and i miss u

Ups and downs, tossings and turnings, expectations and disappointments, insecurities and promissies, waitings and wantings, needs and dreams, love lines and lovely lies - oh what a fun it is!
(hope you know that I'm being sarcastic...)

"Listen to your heart when he's calling for you
Listen to your hear there's nothing else you can do" sang the singer with her velvet voice.

"there's nothing else you can do" - really? Was she that helpless that there was nothing else for her to do or is it the cream of the whole thing called "understanding love". Besides, is there such state of mind as understanding love?

"I'm searching for something beyond my understanding" sang other singer and for me he reffered to love. Is there any other thing that is equally impossible to put into definition, to fit in to some rules and criteria? None that I know.

"Love hurts, love scars,
Love wound and mars" sang some others. Couldn't agree more. But on the other hand, what gives you more certainity of being alive than pain? Just can't take it out of the whole l.o.v.e. thing. Nevertheless, it would be nice to get more painless time than we usually do.

Sometimes I wish I was more talented and could write poems. I would flood the world with the most sad love poems.
Or that I could compose and sing. If to all that I was born in some artistic part of Lisbon, I would create the most heart-breaking fado songs the worls could imagine.
But since I'm bearing none of these talents I have to carry the whole lot with me and hope there's a way to give it a way.

Having read all that I wrote here so far I can't get rid of a feeling that it's a bit of a chaos but it perfectly reflects my state of soul and mind. I'm struggling with too many emotions recently, sometimes I can't find any reasonable trail of thoughts, feelings and moods. Well, I can't be strong girl all the time, sometimes I need to feel weak and let somebody else to take care of me, to tell me to focus and moce on.
I love and I hate, I'm happy and I'm sad, I'm nice and I'm a bitch and if you're lucky I'll be all that only within one hour.

But at the end of the day, when I lay my head on the pillow, breath in the scent someone left on his t-shirt, I close my eyes and know that I was happy, that against all odds I am happy and will stand up and fight for being happy in the future. Whatever it takes.



This beautiful necklace had a long way to go before it finally found its place on my neck. Made of rare stones from a distant country, being a gift of many occasions, it came as a priceless reward and finial of a long trial. Wearing it I feel unique and special. And full of hope and new strenght. I'm a one tough Polish girl ;)

"And I miss you,
like the deserts miss the rain"

Naszyjnik, który tak dumnie prezentuję w niniejszym wpisie jest symbolem tego długiego oczekiwania na szczęście, które opisałam w poprzednim poście. Przebył długą drogę zanim trafił w końcu na swoje miejsce, czyli na moją szyję. Wykonany z rzadkiego kamienia, który można znaleźć tylko w jednym, dalekim i osnutym wojną kraju daje mi poczucie bycia wyjątkową za każdym razem, kiedy mam go na sobie. Nosząc go jestem pełna nadziei i nowych sił, by dalej walczyć o to, by być szczęśliwą pomimo wszystkich przeciwności, jakie niesie mi los.
Bywa różnie, nie zawsze jestem na fali wznoszącej, ale nie tracę z oczu najważniejszego celu. Przynajmniej staram się nie tracić. Będzie dobrze.