crash, boom, bang...

Here we are, at the turn of Spring that blossoms with white cherry-tree flowers, blooms with lilacs and scents with lillies of the valley. Looks like a new beginning.

Here I am, at the brink of emotional rollercoaster with faded hopes, shattered wishes and dreams vanishing in thick fog (or volcano ash).
But still with the memories I'd never change for anything in this world. And still with so many questions I have no chance to find an answer.
A month ago I was standing on the top of the world, I felt like all the puzzles were finally falling into their places creating the picture I longed for for so, so long. Not everything was perfect but it finally felt good because I had someone to hold my hand in the lift (and having to go up and down 40 floors when you're scared of lifts is a big deal).

But I forgot to "never underestimate the dark side of the Force".

Remember the girl who was waiting for Him at the airport? Well, She's not doing well anymore. She knew that She'll have to face some hard times, especialy when She got a sample of how it might be but She didn't expect what is gong to happen. She still wakes up alone but now it seems that it's going to last for a while and She lost the certaininty that it's Him that's going to be next to Her. Last Thursday She got the book He told her about. "Os Maias" by Eça de Queiroz, the last Polish edition from 1988, hard to find and convince anybody to sell it. She bought it. Person that sold the book to Her was touched by Their story.
Their story... "is it still a story or already a history?" She thought when a postman gave her the package. She didn't have to courage to start reading. Not yet.
She's packing Her suitcase to Las Palmas de Gran Canaria and listens to the radio. They play three songs in a row that make a soundtrack to what's going on now in Her head and heart.

It started with Roxette's "Crash Boom Bang"

My papa told me to stay out of trouble
"When you've found your man make sure he's for real"
I've learned that nothing really lasts forever
I sleep with the scars i wear that won't heal
They won't heal
Cos every time i seem to fall in love
Crash! boom! bang!
I find the heart but then i hit the wall
Crash! boom! bang!
That's the call that's the game and the pain stays the same

Then the Beatles came with their "If I Fell"

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands
If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
cause I couldn't stand the pain
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain
So I hope you see that I
would love to love you
and that she will cry when she learns we are two.

If I fell in love with you

And at the end Beyonce summed it up in "If I Were a Boy"

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong
But you're just a boy
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man

Once again She's at the crossroad, doesn't know what to do, where to go, what to trust. Once again She's wondering why it has to be like this? All she wanted was to be happy.